Quotations from Animal Crossing: Wild World
As transcribed by Elder Leaf.
Random Letters
Stop the slaughter!
Animal crackers live in
tiny cages before they’re
cruelly eaten! Protest
this barbaric process!
-Animals for Crackers
Dear Leafy,
Thanks to your gracious
donation, instead of the
usual day-old donuts,
today we ate croissants!
-From Boondox
…
Listen up, Olivia!
Deep down inside, most people think that they’re good people. Even coconut thieves. Just saying.
From a bad person.
Bulletin Board Messages
So there’s this bulletin board in front of the town hall, and every so often a new message comes up, apparently put there by Pelly, the friendly pelican who runs town hall during the day. I’ve grouped the messages by category!
* Message of the Week *
? Cherry tomatoes are great. But how many are too much?
? Can’t say anything nice? Write it down!
? Don’t cry over spilt milk. Unless you can cry milk.
? Eating at midnight is bad. But it feels so good!
? A little learning can’t hurt. Except at Pain State.
? Money is the root of evil. Dig! Dig! Dig!
? Raiding the fridge is bad. Especially the neighbors’.
- Talking to Myself -
? How can salsa be a kind of dance, a kind of music, AND a kind of dip? It’s the miracle word!
? I wear a bathing suit in the tub, in case of an earthquake. Maybe I watch too much TV.
? There’s someone in this town whose face makes me crave spicy curry!…No, I WON’T tell you who it is!
? When I count money at the town hall, people always ask if I like my job. It makes me kind of sad.
? I can’t tell which talk show is real and which one is fake… and if I don’t know, then I don’t wanna watch!
? To make food look more appealing, use a nice dish and arrange the plate well! It’s cheap and easy!
? I filled an empty water bottle with ordinary tap water and… PRESTO! Homemade water!
? I’m very popular in the kids’ section of the library… Sigh… Oh, Pete…
? I want to get my driver’s license. Then I can take my boyfriend for a ride in my convertible.
? When it rains, it pours. Bring an umbrella.
Tip of the day
? Next time you find you’re stuck talking to someone, yell “Leave me alone!” and take out your net. - Helpful Hint Guy
? They always say “take care” when you leave the doctor’s office, but if we did, they’d be broke! -A conspiracy theorist
- Notice -
This Saturday is the Flea Market! Why not show up? You might find something nice… Like a flea! Wah ha ha ha ha ha!!!
A conversation between Kitt and Kabuki
Kitt: I’m not good at remembering names, so I use colors instead.
See, I just think up a color that describes what kind of personality you have.
Then I just remember you as, like, Green Leafy! Or Purple Kitt!
Kabuki: Huh. You don’t say? That’s really freakish!
So, uh, should I even ask what color I am? Come on, out with it, Kitt!
Kitt: Kabuki, you are…
Kabuki: Hey, wait a sec! Are you gonna tell me it’s black? Come on, that’s so obvious!
I used to think the same thing until I went to see this color coordinator.
He told me I’m an autumn. He says my power color is burnt umber. I gotta say…
I, for one, think he’s on to something! But what were you going to say?
Kitt: Black? That’s such a sad color for you, Kabuki! No, I think of you as a…
Wait, no! You really are a burnt umber! I can’t believe I never saw it before!
Kabuki: Yeah, this guy’s pretty good, isn’t he? I can give you his number if you want.
Kitt: Yeah, I mean, I was going to say black at first, but he’s totally got you pegged.
What you need is a little color to bring out your inner warmth.
Kabuki: I’ve got inner warmth? No one’s ever told me that before! Thanks!
I have ZERO idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds cool, meooo-OH!
A conversation between Kabuki and Gwen
Kabuki: Hey, Gwen, it’s fine to wear fancy clothes and all that…
But beauty isn’t something on the outside. It’s your insides that count!
You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you’re pretty on the inside.
Gwen: …So you think I don’t know how to take care of myself, is that it?
If you’re concerned about whether or not I eat enough healthy things, don’t be.
I eat plenty of … fresh fruits, for example! I mean, cookie!
Kabuki: …Like coconuts?
Gwen: Why coconuts? I hate coconuts. They’re always landing on my head.
Hmm, what fruit do I like? Lemme think… Pears, cookie!
Hey, Leafy, are you into pears?
Leafy: I love ‘em!
Gwen: Ha! I knew it, cookie! It’s cause your head is shaped like a pear!
Kabuki: Ugh! Why pears? Why does everyone have to like pears?
Pears are so freakish! How could you actually eat one?
OH NO! It’s the invasion of the pear people! Aggghh! …Aggghh, meeooo-OH!
Gwen: ……
Kabuki: Hey, the wind is picking up… It’s getting kinda cold out.
Gwen: It’s freeeeeezing out here! My earrings are like little icicles… cookie!
Bottle Mail!
Bottle Mail washes up on the beach. You can also write letters and put them into bottles and throw them into the ocean– then they will one day come ashore in a far-away land. I’ve saved the ones that I’ve found. Most of them are really weird… but I’ll let them speak for themselves. (Note: The “-” is not in the actual quote, but I’ve added it for clarity.
To youze,
Remember that ya gotta
save when you’re done
playin’ your game, ya
hear me?
-Alliance Against Resetting
Miscalculation
Salary 28,200 Bells
Overtime 32,600 Bells
Income tax 15,700 Bells
Total 45,100 Bells
-Keep up the hard work!
My Summer Vacation
This summer I planted
lots of peaches and went
fishing a lot. I caught
two fish. It was fun.
-Heather Smith, Grade 3
Dearest Lucio,
I’m waiting, you know! You
said you would write daily.
Is there someone else?
Another pen pal?
-I love you! Love, Joanna
My beloved Joanna,
I’ve sent you so many
letters. When am I gonna
get one back?! I can’t
sleep thinking about it…
-Your Lucio
Listen up!!!
Tom Nook’s shop is
finally a convenience
store! How’s yours?
How’s the selection?
-Convenience*Store*Freak
Wanted: Part-time Help
Seeking new and seasoned
adventurers to pick fruit,
fish, and much more! Earn
up to 800 Bells per hour!
-Animal Crossing Team
IT’S BURGER MADNESS!
10 percent off every
type of burger!
Limit 1 coupon per
customer. Expires 8/31.
-Closed Mondays
Physical Results:
Height: 5′ 6″
Weight: 193 lbs
Body fat: 47 percent
No concerns
-Chief resident
Just announced!
A film with a production cost of $20,000,000,000
and an all-star cast
coming soon!
-Don’t miss it!
Daily Horoscope
The new moon in Pisces
will compel you to run
around and shake every
tree you come across
-Astrocon Industries
Daily Horoscope
Because Mars is entering
Capricorn, you should wear
big shoes and do the
chicken dance. Repeatedly.
-Astrocon Industries
Hello out there!
I hope someone cool reads
this letter …and I hope
I get a response!
-Just some guy
Listen up!
If you’re reading this,
it’s probably too late for
me! Take care of things
for me, would you?
-Farewell.
WANTED!
Dial 911 if you see him!
Name: Invisible Guy
Offense: Running a red
Description: Invisible
-Neighborhood Watch
To my little brother,
I’m going home later this
month and you should
come, too. Mom worries!
-Your big brother
Ingredients:
Calories: 7
Sugar: 0 mg
Vitamin C: 100 mg
Fiber: 50 mg
-Take 2 tablets a day
SALES RECEIPT
TV with VCR: 1,600 Bells
Invisible shirt: 460 Bells
Floorless rug: 1,750 Bells
TOTAL: 3,810 Bells
-Nak’s Krunny
A Confession
I’m gonna make a killing
on turnips! Or so I
thought, until I ate
them. Heh heh heh…[bomb symbol]
-A Hungry Day Trader
Work Notes
December 24th
Started work: 07:45 a.m.
Got home: 12:00 a.m.
Overtime: 7 h. 30 min.
-A Working Stiff
Dear Pen Pal,
Hello! If we ever get a
chance to meet up, let’s
take it. Until then, I’m
going fishing!
-Your pal
Conversations with Lyle in the coffee shop
Kids. You know em? Sure ya do. But them? The kids? Don’t know nothin’. Useless.
(Kids work in my office. Bunches. Tons. Hundreds. Actually, five.
And their talk? Bang! Crazy talk. Jibber-jabber. Can’t follow it. Not a word.)
OR
(Always talkin’. Singin’. Makin’ flowers and stuff shoot out of their heads.)
You? Again? What? Why you doing this? Why you bustin’ my chops? Huh? Why?
I’m fine. Fine. Yeah, Lyle’s fine, no worries, legit, bang. Leave me alone.
Listen. Words. You know ‘em? Me too. Some words, I can’t stand. Wanna know?
… “IRS.” Not a word? I know, Lyle knows. Three words. Abbreviation. Don’t matter.
I’m legit. Above board. All square. Do they listen? ‘Course not. Bang.
Been to jail? Me too. Three hots and a cot, right? Bad news. Bad deal.
Listen to Lyle. Advice. Mine. Take it… Taxes? Pay ‘em.
Labels. Everybody has ‘em, right? Sure, labels. Happy. Sad. Loser. Right? Sure.
Take me. Take Lyle. Folks call me sleaze. Sneak. Liar. Not true. I’m a peach.
Sure, some deals don’t work out, but hey, right? That’s life. That’s it. Bang.
This recession? Killin’ me. You? Yeah, sure, right. Lyle hears that. Bang.
(If I owned real estate? I’m living the high life. Lyle really needed those leads…) OR (Lyle needs a scheme. Rich. Quick. Getting. Me. Follow? Sure ya do.) OR (Folks want to help? Look out for you? Don’t buy it. Not a chance. Bang.
Assume that everyone wants to bust your chops. Because they probably do.)
Turnips? Shoulda bought some. Had a chance. Thought it over. Didn’t. Blew it.
Know what? Now I’m busted. Got nothin’. But hey, what the deuce, right? Bang.
Other Quotes
“Hmm. You have too much furniture, and not enough space for it? Madness!
…Well, as always, I’m happy to take anything you don’t need off your hands…
But that won’t do, will it? I guess we have no choice but to add another room [to your house]!” - Tom Nook
“Ah! Hoo. I’m awfully sorry. Inexplicable mysteries tend to set my beak blabbing.” - Blathers
“You know, you’re a lot like a snail. Not a slug. Definitely a snail.” - Kabuki
“It’s like you add pear cake to a pillow and divide by two…” - Moe
“I saw this movie yesterday about a guy who shampooed with mocha java. Have you seen it?” - Egbert
“If you wish to build it, I shall come build it, hm?” - Tom Nook
“Indeed, if you expect some sort of lollipop in fish-form, you will be horrified!” - Blathers, when you donate a ’sweet fish’ to the museum
“Just imagine if you could inflate them, then eat them! It would be a hit with the kids, eh wot?” - Blathers, when you donate a ‘puffer fish’ to the museum
“Ah. Hoo. Yes, sorry. I got rather blabby there. I got heated up, hoo!” - Blathers, upon completion of the dimetrodon fossil
“I imagine you’ll think I’m having a bit of fun, but I assure you, I am serious… After mating, the female mantis will kill the male and devour him on the spot! Blech! The very thought gives me the gags! I must say, I consider myself very fortunate not to have been born a mantis. Hoo, I might have had to squash myself…” - Blathers, when you donate a mantis to the museum
“Making coffee is about more than pouring hot water over grounds, you see? It’s about taking one’s time to coax the flavor from the savory beans… A thesis is the same way! He taught me that my brain was like his coffee beans!” - Blathers
“Do you know the secret to success, youngster? Do something you love! Then you’ll love what you do!” - Tortimer
“Hoo, I cannot think of a worser job than being the shaver of insect feet.” - Blathers
“Now, I know you’re at the mentally-deficient age when smacking people is fun. But if you wanna flail that net of yours around like that, hit someone else!” - Kabuki, when hit on the head with a bug-catching net
“No matter how hard I work, I can’t produce the volume I need to make much profit!” - Sable
“The decision-makers atop the corporate ladder often seem quite daft, eh wot?” - Blathers
“Once the clock strikes 8… My craving for mousse dipped in lemonade starts!” - Moe
“So what do you like on your salad? Blue cheese?! Yay! Cheese makes me happy!” - Rosie
“I used to be quite a petal-pusher myself, back in the day, sprout. Care to hear an old gardener’s war stories?” - Tortimer
“Fine, don’t let the door hit your tail on the way out! (Quit loitering and shoo!)” - Phyllis
“You will find no house more gorgeous than this! So big! So glorious! So, on to the price… Now, I want you to know that I’m taking a huge loss on this. I’m bleeding money, hm? It comes to the low, low price of… 9,480 Bells! Whoops! I’m sorry. I’m off by just a smidgen. Ho ho! You work hard, Leafy. You can afford… 948,000 Bells! Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Aren’t you positively joyful, Leafy? As usual, you can pay it off in installments! And just so we’re clear on this, I cannot expand your house any more. Not at all. No, no! You’ll have to be happy with what you’ve got, I’m afraid. But don’t hold it against me! I’m still counting on you for business here! Yes, yes!” - Tom Nook
“Leave the chitchat to the squirrels!” - Gracie